Off to Milan

Never having been on a plane for longer than 4 hours I boast a proud record of never having used their toilet facilities and only ever eating their food once. This trip however was breaking new ground, 14 hours first from Melbourne to Abu Dahbi followed by a 3 hour break and then a 7 hour trip from Abu Dhabi to Malpense (Milan). So not eating after lunch and not drinking any fluids after 6.00 pm was my strategy to maintain that record. Being an 11.00 pm flight on a Friday meant that there was no point in going home from work other than to avoid waiting a long time at the airport. I am paranoid about forgetting something when I go away and this would also give me plenty of time to get home to retrieve the item and return. However, the paranoia that made me check everything a dozen times at least, download half a dozen "before you travel" checklists and take note of the items common to all of them and unpack-repack again on the morning of the trip, meant that I did not forget anything and I did spend a lot of time doing not a great deal at the airport.

My perception of international travel security made me think that I would have to jump through a hoop of fire, submit myself to a strip and body cavity search and face an interrogation whilst being stretched on a rack and water boarded. Much to my dissapointment it was a reasonably simple process made more so by the dearth of international flights leaving Melbourne that evening; no queues is always a bonus but after psyching myself up for security overkill it was a bit dissapointing to walk straight through.

Hunger is a curious thing and if the vending machine in the departures area had nuts I almost certainly would have yeilded, a few sips of water out of the drinking fountain and two trips to the toilet prior to departure and I was ready for 14 hours of fasting and holding on. The fasting would in reality be for 24 hours as my last meal was lunch at about 1.00 pm.

My seat in the departure lounge was right next to the boarding area, being the first there I suppose it was the logical place to go. I did get up reluctantly for my pre-departure toilet break because there were quite a lot of people there and I was sure to have my seat taken. I could have left my bag there but that is a "no no" at airports these days, I could have asked the bloke two seats away to watch it for me but he sounded like a London used car salesman so he clearly would have rummaged through it and take the good stuff. There was 4 pairs of clean underwear inside which would have been like winning the lottery to to him by the way he looked. Reluctantly I took my bag and sure enough the seat was taken on my return. A rather harmless young lady who no doubt had no idea that I was there prior and had the intention of returning, but by the time my mind had finished with here she was an evil axe murders with a basement full of dead bodies and needed to be destroyed.

I am normally a good sleeper on planes but there was something about the seats on this one that made it difficult to do. The movies on board were quite reasonable though and I did bring a laptop pre-loaded with some also. Some Internmittent snoozes, the odd stretch and excrutiatingly long periods of sitting down later, I was in Abu Dhabi airport. My record of not eating their food or using their toilets was intact. I did however cause some concern with the young cabin crew lady at my constant rejection of food, but I felt vindicated by my triumph.

The connecting flight at Abu Dhabi was at gate 2; the sign giving directions to Gate 2 said it was 12 minutes walking time, the next sign 100 metres later said 8 minutes. I am a fast walker but the locals must walk rediculously slow, 4 minutes later I was at gate 2, 2 minutes after that I was eating an egg and mayonaise sandwich and drinking a magnificent Long Macchiatto made to perfection by the cafe in the gate lounge. I also purchased one of those neck cushions in the hope that it would improve my ability to sleep those aircraft. Only a relatively short wait on this occassion and the flight was open for boarding, I can never understand the rush to board with allocated seating. Anyway the wait did give me time to have a chat with a young lady who was carrying an Australian Passport. Another toilet break and then through the metal detectors onto the plane. So far only Australian Airports have asked for laptops to be removed from the bag prior to x-ray.

The neck cushion worked a treat, 3 hours sleep and 1.45 movies later I was in Malpense airport. How annoying to have a movie turned off just because you are descending, what harm could they do, if they turned everything electric off because it would interfere with their navigation equipment then the plane would crash because the pilot would have no instruments;

"Sorry passengers I have to turn all the navigational equipment off for landing because it could interfere with our navigational equipment."

Little secret, I left my phone on (in flight mode and with a SIM that did not have international roaming enabled but still against the rules because it could interfere with their navigational equipment) and we did not end up landing in a farmer's paddock in Siberia.

The view coming into Italy was captivating though, Kilometres of snow capped mountains around what I assumed was Austria.